My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
