I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
