my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
