Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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