So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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