i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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