I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you never un-have a 4some
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
