I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
