Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
