Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The uberlube is also flammable
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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