Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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