the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
