Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
