So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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