Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
