That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
