he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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