Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
