I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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