I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
