He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
