dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
