If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize