She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
