My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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