cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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