I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
