is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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