I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
