ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mom said you looked used
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
