He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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