I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
