i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
