I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
