I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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