My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
