I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
