somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
