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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Is it working?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.

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