Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
