can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
