I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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