I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The Olympian is in my bed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
