hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
