Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize