we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
