Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
