I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
