GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
