I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She told me I should be a condom model.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
