accomplished twins. life is a go
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
