i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
