i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
