Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
