I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
