just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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