Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
