ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk is not a location!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
