I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
