I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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