I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
