u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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