and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
