6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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