i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
