Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
