matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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