You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
