We're facebook friends in real life
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
only you would photoshop your dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
