Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
