I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
