Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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