At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
