he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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