i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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