I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
