How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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