we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
