I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
