bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
