So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
