I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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