do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Randomize
