Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
