At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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