Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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