My hand turned me down
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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