i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
