where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
