I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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