there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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