All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
