first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
