so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
