yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
