??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Every concussion has its silver lining
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
