If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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