i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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