i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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