If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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