i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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