Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
