I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
