A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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