he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
