How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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