So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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