I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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