You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
