Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
