you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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