Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
