I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
