He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
