Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
