Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
