Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
