Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize