Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
