He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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