Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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