Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
