Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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