My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
