I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
