im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
