That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
