one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
jump out the window naked night went bad
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