I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
